I
write today of a most curious phenomenon. One that has zero recording
but has been discussed in the hushed whispers of academics at the
Archer University for decades. I myself am a new teacher at the
University, having gone to school here in my youth. I'd been here but
a week when it happened to me. I dreamed of my mind and body becoming
separate entities as I slept. My body resting, remaining in the
corporeal world, and my mind free to explore the limitless
possibilities surrounding it. My curiosity got the best of me, and my
mind headed towards the stars.
My
mind took off like a slingshot through the cosmos. The vast unending
space was an exciting prospect, not one I feared, as I should have. I
thought this all a curious, vivid dream, nothing more. What harm was
there in exploring? As my mind blasted passed planets and into other
galaxies, a cold feeling began to envelop me. Where at first my mind
felt nothing of external influence, now the chill grew stronger the
farther I became from my body. Until I felt as if frozen solid, yet
still propelled by my earlier speed, hurling me farther and farther
away from the Earth.
What
was a wildly exciting venture had quickly grown dreadful as I grew
less enamored with the discoveries I made and more disturbed by them.
I saw planets not shaped like anything we had dreamed of. Some like
pyramids, twirling on an axis set by a blood red jewel. Others had no
set shape, ever changing, expanding, shrinking, reforming, a world of
pure chaos where nothing was set in stone. My eyes remained frozen
wide open, unable to snap shut, forced to see everything.
Eventually,
after a few more galaxies had been pierced and shot through like a
bullet, my speed began to slow. What at first had me thankful to
finally end, only began to instill more dread as I realized I could
see things from thousands of miles away with crystal clarity. The
slower I moved, the longer I was forced to witness bizarre alien
worlds, with horrid ritual sacrifices. One such planet had a vast
swath of creatures, vaguely humanoid in shape, but mostly comprised
of tendrils jutting out every which way. Their bright, gem like
glowing scarlet eyes had me transfixed in horror and wonder. I
watched them bring up a younger looking being to a stone tablet, and
then several stone daggers were ritualistically stabbed into the
young thing as it writhed and squirmed in pain, held down by it's
elders as it was cut open and carved into, symbols I could never
guess as to their meaning adorning it's desecrated corpse. I did not
even know the thing, and I pitied it.
I
know not how long I slowly floated through space. Gone was any sense
of adventure. All that remained was the cold feeling that engulfed my
every senses. By the time I was nearly stopped, I was weeping through
the cosmos I dreamed so eagerly of exploring. My mind felt fractured,
forced to endure things it should never have even fathomed a small
piece of. I had seen dark rituals, and worlds of no rhyme or reason,
just pure insanity. It was all too much, and I desperately hoped to
awaken.
Little
did I know, all I had endured up to this point was not the phenomenon
of which I write today. It was merely the prelude to the true horror
that awaited me on the other side of the universe. When it felt like
I could take no more and surely I would wake up back in my bed, I saw
it. A crack, simple and small, right on my trajectory. I was nearly
stopped, but floating just a few more feet, right towards it. It had
a dark green glow, and a welcoming aura poured from it, inviting me
in. In my weakened mental state, I tried to rush into the arms of
this mysterious crack in the universe. Thinking it my salvation and
escape from this hell of eternally drifting.
What
I wrote of up to this point is commonly referred to as Astral
Projection. Though most cases do not always speak of going the
lengths I did, there have been countless stories of people leaving
their bodies in dreams and wandering all sorts of places. Some of
these stories seem easy to explain away as dreams, something I
believed to be the case for many years. I had never done this
before, not until my time as a teacher, for whatever reason. I never
had such dreams as a boy, though I never lived on the campus until
now.
Whatever
the cause, my first experience with astral projecting through space
was most assuredly not a dream. I felt that ice cold, I saw
everything in vivid detail and heard things no mind could make up
even in the most feverish of dreams or nightmares. Though God help
me, I wish it was all a dream, a simple explanation to chase away the
fear that now lies in my belly each night before I go to sleep.
Fearful I may find that tear in the cosmos once again and be exposed
to what waited inside.
I
confess to stalling somewhat when attempting to recall my time in the
INFINITUM, as I now know it to be called. I fear if I can truly write
my experience, and if I succeed capturing even a tenth of that Hell,
will it drive me mad to commit it to the written word? So please be
patient with me as I take my time and tell you what I now know of my
experience from my colleagues. It is easier to try and understand
what happened by correlating their own experiences and tales.
Professor
Gabriel Zarka was the first man I spoke to the next day. He had come
to greet me and ask I join him for a quick meal before class. He
knocked at my door to no answer. Only when he found it unlocked did
he also find me on the floor, frothing at the mouth, writhing on the
floor not unlike the young alien I saw as he was violently murdered.
He awakened me with some cold water and after I cleaned myself up, he
asked me, right away, if I had seen It, out there among the stars,
the INFINITUM. I almost didn't know how to reply to him, so stunned
that anyone could have an inkling of what I just went through.
Professor
Zarka than sat down with me, poured us some tea, and told me
everything he knew. That for the last several decades, teachers would
occasionally have an astral projection, and feel compelled to fly
into space and see it's wonders. As if a great presence was tugging
on a leash. I too had felt that powerful tug, it's unbending will
forcing me to shoot through space certain of it's majesty and not
comprehending the horror that truly lies in wait.
The
first professor ever known to have experienced it was in 1834, but a
year after the school's founding. Tomas Rowell was found contorted in
his bed, screaming in a tongue never known to any of his colleagues.
When he awoke, he was feverish, telling the story so fast that people
could barely understand him. After his senses returned properly, he
began to ramble about a sliver in the space time continuum, the
tiniest of cracks that was slowly growing larger. He dubbed it the
Nightmare INFINITUM, dying but a few weeks later of a bad heart.
Never writing down a single piece of it, merely passed down orally
among the other teachers.
It
was a strong belief among Rowell and the educators that followed him
that the INFINITUM should never be committed to paper. Up to
Professor Zarka himself refusing to even write the word down. When I
inquired why, Professor Zarka grew nervous and confessed he had no
explicit reason. It was simply another compulsion after seeing it,
fearing that writing of it would somehow give it more power over
them. I found this a rather silly superstitious explanation and is
thus why I am committing this to my typewriter this very evening. I
must purge this demon from my mind of my experience, and only writing
of it helps calm the scratching sensation in my skull. No amount of
superstition will deter me from my task of recording this horror.
After
our breakfast and tea, Professor Zarka said there were several other
teachers and staff who lived in the school that had experienced the
INFINITUM as I had. He invited me to join them that night and recount
my story with them. I was apprehensive to say the least. I did not
see what good could come in merely talking about it, keeping the
story just between ourselves when a psychic phenomenon of epic
proportions was occurring in our school. Perhaps sensing my
hesitation, Professor Zarka merely told me the time and place of
their meeting, and left me with my thoughts. I had no classes to
teach this day, my world was wracked with thoughts of what I had
seen.
I
am a God fearing Christian and a man who has utmost faith that there
is a higher power watching over me. But even my faith has become
somewhat shaken by the things I saw out there. God may watch over me,
but I felt no protection from him that night as I drifted. I felt
only the icy chill of space embrace me, cold comfort as they say. I
tried to hold my crucifix and felt nothing from it, only the cold of
the metal, which made me shirk away from it in fear. Every bit of
cold felt like an unwanted reminder of my time out in space. I
wrapped myself in several layers of blankets and clothes, still
feeling the odd chill and being terrified whenever I did.
After
an entire day of wallowing in fear and uncertainty, I went to the
designated meeting area Professor Zarka spoke with me about. It was
one of the abandoned wings of the University, left forgotten after it
no longer had much use when they built new classrooms onto the
premises. While most of the wing was in disrepair, one room at the
very top of a long winding tower was in immaculate condition. Kept up
by the various professors who had communed here frequently. They had
dubbed it the Infinitum Parlor.
When
I arrived, there was wine being poured and good spirits among
friends. I felt a little peculiar entering this place. It felt like
somewhere special, and I was not sure I entirely belonged among these
associates. Some of them were older professors with years and years
of tenure like Zarka and Bradley, while others were newer faces like
myself. It was as if age did not matter, merely that we all
experienced this horror. With some uncertainty still boiling in my
stomach, I sat down to hear what they had to say.
The
oldest professor there was Bradley. A man who looked more like a
skeleton with loose-hanging skin barely clinging to it. How the old
man could even walk when his body made such awful creaking noises I
cannot understand. He'd been here for so long he couldn't even
remember what year he started. But as he started the discussion, he
recalled crystal clear his first time going into the void and seeing
what the INFINITUM had waiting for him. He told me it in detail,
every second from when he first went crashing into it, to when he was
awoken by Gabriel Zarka, much like myself, but a student here back
then.
I
did not even realize that by the time Professor Bradley finished his
tale, I was shaking in my chair. Gripping it with pure terror,
holding on for dear life as if it were a boat and I was being
thrashed about by the sea. Professor Zarka kept a steady hand on my
shoulder to calm me. I listened to each story, all different but with
one underlying theme: Horrors, a show of nightmares that could not
come from the source of another man's imagination.
After
hearing each story, I recollected my own. At some point during my
tale, I broke down in tears, sobbing uncontrollably as I went on. An
absolute snot-nosed and bumbling mess by the end, I was met not with
judgmental glances but understanding, empathetic eyes that had felt
my pain. Growing up in a strict household, with a father who was a
Judge, it was the exact opposite of what I expected. I was thankful
for their kindness, even though I knew it would not change what we
all endured.
It
was after a moment to collect myself, cleaning my face and steeling
my resolve, that I listened to the speculations of the evening. There
was a theory for every man there that night. Professor Bradley
thought we were seeing the dreams of a sleeping ancient God. This
crack was not to some hell dimension, but rather into it's very mind.
Professor Zarka had a more scientific idea, thinking it to be some
parallel dimension that terrifies us, solely because of our lack of
reference for what anything is there. His attempt to rationalize as
best he can the irrational world we all glimpsed.
I
think the most outlandish theory I heard that night is that the
school was built over an old witching hour ground. A site that
witches would perform black masses. While it's true the school is
very secluded, and surrounded by trees on all sides along a great
precipice, I have my doubts any sane man would knowingly build over
such defiled ground. Though wild as the thought it, I had a
disturbing notion that in a strange way, all of their theories were
right. That the INFINITUM was not one simple easy explanation, but a
myriad of pieces to various other puzzles, forming their own abstract
image that was far too large for us to comprehend.
I
drank and listened for most of the evening. Wine made everyone's
tongues all the looser and the more they began to ramble on about
what they saw. You see, for everyone, the INFINITUM shows something
unique. While still maintaining some images that repeat for others,
no experience into this terror void has been the same as the last, or
the one to come after. They would speculate as to their own personal
fears reflected out there in space, how the hollow feeling of the
emptiness around them made their fear all the more potent.
It
was near the end of the gathering that I spoke about my own theory.
That each of us had a small piece of it, but could never see the
whole. I was fearful they would shun this idea, each of them clinging
to their own little pieces of truth. It was not uncommon in most men
to clutch tightly to whatever they had thought right. Perhaps if I
brought this up earlier in the evening, they would have dismissed my
words, but I think the wine had loosened their minds enough to the
idea. Professor Bradley, with his dual canes in hand and heading for
the door, gave me a curious wink and said “You might be on to
something, my boy, you just might.” before he took his leave.
I
was the last one to leave, still left pondering all I had heard and
still trying to process my time in the INFINITUM several hours, and
several glasses of wine, later. So much of what I heard was
fantastical, almost impossible to even imagine, had I not seen it
myself. Were my eyes not still scarred with the images I saw there.
Yet etched into my retina they were, forever scratched into my vision
so that each time I close my eyes, I see the things that were waiting
for me out there. That are still waiting for me, for another chance
to pull me into their webs, to devour me whole.
It
was during this time that I decided I would commit the story to pen
and paper. I had heard enough fascinating tales that I did not see
why anyone would not want to properly record them. So many
experiences had already been lost due to this silly game everyone
played. I did not believe the thing would derive any power from
merely writing of it. I knew in my heart that pen and paper had no
more power over me than the power I give it. If anything, fearing
these stories and keeping them as hushed whispers cloistered in but
one room gave it far more power over us.
So
I returned to my room, and attempted to write of my tale. I did not
get far, the feeling of unease coming upon me. It was late, I had
drank much, so I decided to sleep on this story and recount it
another day. Another day became another week, another month, and it
has now been a full year since I first attempted to write of my
experience in the INFINITUM. I have put it off long enough. I have
spoken with the members of the Infinitum Parlor Every time one of us
returns there, out in space, seeing things and places he prayed to
never see again. Hoping to learn a little more of the puzzle, to see
another piece. Often the stories were rarely changed, but the most
minute of details would stand out, painting a another stroke of the
picture.
Now,
after much conferring with my colleagues, they have endorsed my
recording of the INFINITUM. Should I successfully retell my own
story, many have considered having their tales recorded as well.
Professor Zarka has already been excitedly discussing a series of
audio recordings of his visits. Professor Bradley is sadly no longer
with us, but one of his last sessions at the parlor had him being the
first to endorse my writing. I only knew him for but eight months,
but despite how unsettling I once found the man, he became a dear
friend.
I
settled on tonight, the one year anniversary of the first evening I
ever went into the INFINITUM. I have felt the pull of it since, but
always fought it, desperate to stay in my body and avoid the
nightmares that awaited me. I wonder if my hesitation to endure it
again had any influence on my difficulty writing of it. As now that I
am committed to write this tale, I feel a certain weight lifting off
me, escaping out my fingers with every tap of the key on my
typewriter. I can face what I saw in the dark of the void.
Now
we may return to that horrid drifting from one year ago. When I saw
the bright glowing green slice of space opening up before me. Like an
open wound being pried open by a surgeon's tools. It enveloped me. I
had hoped it would dispel the biting cold, but the opposite was the
affect. Inside the INFINITUM, the starlight was gone. At first it was
pure black, and that lack of sight made the cold all the more
intense. I tried to scream in pain from how much it hurt. I could
feel no bone, but was still chilled down to the marrow and felt the
waves of pain that came with it. As I attempted my scream, nothing
came out, not even a whisper. Sound did not exist here, at least, not
sound as we know it.
I
drifted again, certain that this was my punishment from my divine
creator. I am not a pious man, I have sinned, and I was sure in my
heart this was Hell. Infinite darkness, an absolute absence of sound,
surely madness would follow. Were it only the darkness, I would be
relieved to be done telling this story. But the darkness was merely
the opening act of the horror show that unfolded in a time out of
space.
Slowly,
a light began to fill my senses. Dark red, it illuminated a totally
black sphere. A planet, I assumed. It seemed like my only hope for
sanctuary, so I tried to push my mind towards it. Somehow I
succeeded, and when I touched down, I felt my body again. But when I
looked down, I did not recognize myself. I did not even realize what
I looked at were hands at first. They were claws of some sorts,
massive like a lobster's, but malformed, covered in ridges and
massive warts that made them a hefty burden to lift. My skin moved
constantly, a viscous liquid that ebbed and flowed along my skeleton.
Which I could see parts of exposed. What I could only guess was a
kind of rib cage had jutting sharp bones that parted the liquid I
called my skin.
I
attempted once more to scream, but found myself with no mouth to
open. I could feel a tearing of skin as I desperately tried to let
something out. It was pure agony to even make the attempt, and after
a solid minute of trying, I ceased. I was some kind of abomination,
with bones that ground into muscle and tissue, making every movement
painful.
Somehow
I forced my sluggish, mismatched and ever-aching body forward. I
walked through the blackness. Only the dark red sky lit up just
enough for me to see on the horizon. At the tip top of a hill,
surrounded by dead trees, looked to be a temple of some kind. I could
not help but anguish at the prospect of climbing this hill in my
disheveled form. I thought of my father, overcome with arthritis in
his old age, every tiny movement causing him immense pain near the
end. So doped up he could barely comprehend his own son sitting
beside him. I felt that lethargic quality of being drugged, my mind
and body only held together by the loosest tether.
As
I ascended the hill, in the trees I could finally hear something. It
was the first sound I caught the entire time inside the INFINITUM,
and it was the most ghastly thing to hear after such prolonged
silence. A chattering sound, soft and sweet, like a lullaby calling
out to me. I peered into the trees, one of my eyes becoming loose as
I tried to focus it, sliding out of my skull. It was useless now,
pointed at the ground, and I having no way to grasp it and put it
back in my head. With my other eye, I spotted the things. They
clutched the tops of the trees with insect like arms, almost blending
in with the lengthy branches. Their bodies were swollen, covered in
sores, pustules and other disgusting scars that never seemed to heal.
Their bellies had a patch of tendrils that reached the very bottom of
the forest floor, wiggling and writhing to beckon me towards them. I
ushered my gaze away, and carried on. I knew only a slow, painful
death awaited me in their embrace. I had to see what was atop the
hill, what had summoned me here.
If
my trek took hours, or days, I do not know. I trudged up this hill,
ready to face whatever awaited me. I would hear more curious sounds,
things calling me away and whispering promises of escape. I ignored
them all, my path was set. When I finally reached the top of the
hill, I was an even worse mess. Much of my flesh was pierced by the
sharp bones, and the liquid spilled out among my ribs, dripping and
escaping, losing pieces of myself until I had arrived at my
destination.
When
I stood at the top of the hill, I finally got a good look at the
temple. It was spherical in shape, but it did not touch the ground.
It floated perfectly still in place, and I saw no visible doors along
it. It was smooth as a pearl, and it shimmered curiously the more I
stared into it. I could see patterns in the glow and strobe of the
light along. It didn't bend like light naturally did, it contorted to
whatever shape it needed to try and convey some alien message to me.
A warning? A greeting? I doubt I will ever know.
And
then, finally, a door opened near the middle of the pearl. It
stretched for what looked like miles to open up, and then I realized
it was not a door. It was skin, peeling back, peeling off the pearl,
to reveal what was beneath. And then....and then and then and
thenandthenandthenandthenthenthenheandthenandthendandthenandthenandhethencameandthenhethenisandthenhethenisandthenisfreeeeeeeeee
My
name is Professor Gabriel Zarka and I am the associate written of in
this text. My colleague Wilfred Carterson was the one writing this
paper. I found him the next day, wrapped around his typewriter: Dead.
A mad grin on his face as his corpse stared up at me. He had
mutilated himself, many of the curious symbols he wrote of earlier
displayed along his skin. The police have given me his writing after
finding it of no use, certain it was the fiction of a madman's
fevered brain in his last few hours of life. I knew Wilfred better
than that, he was of sound mind, and it was our faults for letting
him attempt to record his experience.
I
will retain this text in my private estate, to be passed on to my
oldest son, Nicodemus Janus Zarka, upon my death.